The Ending

I had been spotting and cramping since Thursday night, and Sunday morning at 1 am I woke up in excruciating pain. I thought that I could bear it, seeing as how I'd been up the 2 previous nights in pain. I sat on the toilet for almost an hour, doubled over in pain.

Then I started with vomiting and diarrhea, plus the dizziness, so I woke my husband up to take me to the ER. We left the house around 2am, and got right in the ER, they had just hooked me up to the blood pressure and heart monitors, when I looked at the doc and said 'Uh oh something just happened...' He sent me to the bathroom with orders not to flush if anything came out, but it was just blood. I totally soaked the pad that I was wearing, and blood was running out so fast it sounded like I was peeing.

By this time, I was hurting so bad I couldn't even talk, and the contractions were nearly constant, so I knew the end was close. The nurse came to prep me for the pelvic exam, and when I sat up, I felt this odd squelchy feeling, and heard a plop. I looked down and there was a large glob of stuff on the table. The nurse grabbed a collection container and told me to lay back and relax until the doctor came in.

When he did, he looked in the container, and I asked him if that was my baby. He looked a little more and said it was. They gave me the opportunity to look at it, and at first I declined, but then I decided I'd regret it if I didn't get to see my baby. I was shocked at how well developed it was, for as small as it was. It had ten fingers and ten toes, little tiny eyes and ear buds... It looked perfect. They ended up keeping me in the ER for a little while to make sure the bleeding was slowing as it should, and I passed a few more large clots and bits of the placenta, and then it was over. I was in and out of the ER in less than three hours, and we were back home in bed by 5 am.

I've been resting at home, and ordered off work until at least Wednesday. They gave me some good painkillers to help with the cramps, and I feel a lot better emotionally, knowing that it's finally over. The relief is almost palpable, and I feel almost guilty for being more relieved than sad at this moment. I went to my OB today, and she cried with me and hugged me and we talked about my options at the moment... Thankfully, I won't need the D&C, since they're almost positive I passed all the tissue in the ER. She went ahead and ordered the testing, so in a few weeks we'll have some idea what happened.

My husband has been my rock through this horrible time, and I could not have done this without him. He went to work after our appointment this morning, and he's called a half dozen times to check on me today. I love him.