New Beginnings

It's been a long time since I've updated my blog, mostly because the drudgery of real life took over. One day at a time and all that jazz. After a miscarriage, time temporarily stops. It seems like life may not be worth living when you've experienced a terrible thing. It was hard to get up in the morning, it was hard to see other pregnant women and it was especially hard to see new babies. There are several pregnant women at work at the moment, and one of them is due the day after my original due date.

As my due date draws near, I've got mixed emotions. On one hand, I'm dreading the day because I know it's going to be sad and difficult and heartbreaking, but on the other hand, I'm excited. You see, I'm pregnant again. This time, I'm nervous as hell. Even more so than last time. I had two miscarriages in a row, and I don't know if I can handle a third. I'm taking several medications to try to make this one 'stick' and hopefully they'll do the trick. I'm trying desperately to relax and not overthink every little thing, but it's so terribly difficult. Every cramp, every twinge, every ache... makes me think 'Oh no, not again.' I know that it's very likely I'll miscarry again, especially since there's no telling why I miscarried before and the medications I'm taking are akin to throwing stuff to the wall to see what sticks. I try to be positive, but it's hard to get excited just in case my excitement comes crashing down around my ears again. All I can do is take it one day at a time, I suppose.